Therapy is for whimps.

12 Steps

The first step is admitting you have a problem…

That has never been my forte as a generally passive individual. To find one’s self at a crux in their life is the equivalent to taking a running jump off a 50 foot cliff and stopping at the edge. You may find there is a bit of hesitation, but mostly there is a LOT of fear. Fear of the water down below, fear of people thinking you are stupid or a loser or even worse, the fear of trying and failing miserably… That fear can consume you to a point of stagnation, where you decide to plop your tush down at the point in your life when you think everything is ok the way it is and you don’t have to change or grow up or jump of a 50 foot cliff.

That point for me was two years ago. I decided to park my butt down on the bench and enjoy the game from there, even though there was a seething desire to play, to become more, to take a chance on life and whatever curve ball it decided to throw my way. For self-conscious reasons decided to sit the game out and as a result, I watched my stats tank.

I kept hearing over and over; “What do you want to do?” and: “who do want to be?” Every time someone asked me these questions I would FREEZE or, panic or attempt to deflect the interrogation with some sly humour, for fear that my answers would be discouraged or dismissed as darn-near impossible or at least, impossible for ME.

Luckily (or unluckily, depending on how you view it), along with my intense fear of rejection came a resolute stubbornness that consumes my mind. I cannot not rest until I do what I set out to do thus, my blog became my raison d’etre. Not only as an outlet for the thoughts and feelings steaming through my brain, but as a medium to present myself to the world. it became my platform upon which I could show the world the answers to its’ questions…but in order to do it, I need to do it.

This post is for myself, as much as it is for those that read it. To tell yourself something and to actually do it with conviction, and as much passion as you have when you are telling yourself about it-is a beautiful and fruitful endeavour to embark upon. Nothing but good will come of doing what is in your heart and nothing but atrophy will come from sitting on the bench…

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One response

  1. lewis

    Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.your will is beyond reach once you convinced yourself that you can turn your daily insecurities into possibilities..and whenever you feel lonely just remember that- you’re not the only one. I needed that good inspiring positive energy to get going again and stay motivated. we can make it!

    I like your writing style. I’ll finish reading the blog later, bookmarked!

    03/22/2011 at 00:19

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